 |
| "Its mystery is exceeded only by its power." |
10 July 2011
24 May 2011
Profitable Prophecies...
So, if it has happened yet, how long do you think it will be before scientologists recruit Harold Camping as a freelance consultant?
Wagers?
If I lose this bet and don't pay you, it is not because I was wrong, I just got the math wrong.
Wagers?
If I lose this bet and don't pay you, it is not because I was wrong, I just got the math wrong.
words ya heards
An insightful article from our friends at Cracked. We all speak like dirty criminal hobo prostitutes.
Enjoy:
http://www.cracked.com/article_19216_9-words-youve-used-today-with-bizarre-criminal-origins.html?wa_user1=2&wa_user2=Weird+World&wa_user3=article&wa_user4=feature_module
Enjoy:
http://www.cracked.com/article_19216_9-words-youve-used-today-with-bizarre-criminal-origins.html?wa_user1=2&wa_user2=Weird+World&wa_user3=article&wa_user4=feature_module
14 May 2011
The Joy of Apartment Hunting - Part Deux: International Negotiations
As I have been continuing my search for a new place to live I have come across many more scams asking proposed tenants to wire money. These scam advertisements come up so often I felt that it wasn't right for these con men to keep wasting my time with out me wasting their time as well. So, while only spending a few minutes a day writing back to these poor excuses for human beings, I have been able to entertain myself while acting out a small feat of vengeance. After all, it's not like I can physically track them down and punch them in the face, so I hacve decided to settle for simply wasting their time.
The conversation below is my correspondence with a would-be fraudster about a room in Westminster that does not exist. Instead of just leading them on, this time I decided to lead them on while impersonating Jim Carrey's character from the movie The Cable Guy. I drop quotes from the movie relentlessly and at inappropriate times in the correspondence. If this seems childish to you, good. It is very childish. However, it was entertaining for me and took absolutely no effort to do so I did it. If I come across as a sociopath with multiple emotional issues please remember: that is the character Jim Carrey played in the movie. Also, please notice that I am sending this from my personal email address with my name (edited out for this publication) yet I claim to be someone entirely different and this goes unnoticed by our sophisticated criminal friend.
It is a bit long, but I hope you enjoy it. And, if you come across any money wiring scams yourself, please do me a favor and waste the time of the deadbeat proposing the wire transfer.
---------------
fromAlicia May oceanmiles@hotmail.co.uk
to
dateWed, May 11, 2011 at 4:04 PM
subjectMore details about the flat in Westminster
mailed-byhotmail.co.uk
Hi,
Thanks for your response to my ad.The flat is two bedroom flat but I currently have one room available and below is details of the flat.
Flat address: Erasmus Street ,Westminster,London
Post Code: SW1P 4HU
Rent: £500 per month,all bills included for a room
Security deposit:£600 refundable after four weeks in the flat.
Minimum Stay: 1 Month(s)
Maximum stay:1 yr with the option of extending the contract after 12 months
Flat amenities:TV ,CD - DVD - Video,Radio,High-speed Internet with WiFi,Washing Machine ,dryer, Heating, iron and Ironing board,Gas cooker,oven, Electric Kettle,Toaster,Dishwasher,Refrigerator, Microwave e.t.c
The pictures of the flat are hereby attached with this email.
Local area :The flat is super convenient, it is a 4 minute walk from Pimlico tube station (Victoria line), across the street there's a bus stop and it's close to the river too so perfect for people willing to jog or cycle. It is just across from the Tate Britain, the London College of Design and walking distance ( 15 minutes) to Victoria station, House of Parliament and therefore also Westminster tube station ( circle and district lines and jubilee).
The location is extremely quiet which is something unique for such a central location and the apartment is on the first floor of an imposing Edwardian mansion. Just across the flat there is also a communal garden which is perfect for unwinding and relaxing and off street parking is available!
Could you tell me a bit about yourself and where you are presently located now?
Will you be able to take good care of my flat like your own?
Are you capable of funding the rent and refundable deposit before moving in?
Looking forward to hearing from you soon.
Kind regards,
Alicia.
fromGRTR
toAlicia May <oceanmiles@hotmail.co.uk>
dateThu, May 12, 2011 at 10:08 AM
subjectRe: More details about the flat in Westminster
mailed-bygmail.com
Hi Alicia,
It is so nice to hear back from you. I am very eager to move in to your lovely place. I am flying into London next week so anytime after then we can schedule a meeting to view the place. I assure you I have the resources to pay for the flat and I am a clean and tidy person who hates living in a mess! I work for a cable televsion company and enjoy making new friends.
Please write back or give me ring on my beeper. I reverve the beeper for prefered customers because if you call my company they'll just put you on hold. (beeper= 987-555-4321)
Sincerely,
Chip Douglas
fromAlicia May oceanmiles@hotmail.co.uk
to: GRTR
dateFri, May 13, 2011 at 6:19 AM
subjectEmail me back to proceed
mailed-byhotmail.co.uk
Hi Chip,
Thanks for your email and interest in my flat. There's no problem having you view the flat on next week but I intend to hold viewing before then but if you are really interested in the flat I can easily hold unto the room for you till your arrival but before doing that I will need to be sure of your readiness and capability because I will not want a situation whereby I will secure the room for you and you will not turn up when you arrive.I have had several cases of people we had a deal for viewing and fail to turn up is either they cannot afford the rent or the security deposit required. Some outside tenants do not have the money to pay the rent and yet they disturb the landlord to arrange a viewing with their friend or relative who are in London.
This is what you will need to do in order to secure the room, you will need to make a transfer of a month rent plus security deposit (£500+£600=£1100) via Western Union Money Transfer using your name as the receiver of the money while you use the name of someone that's close to you as the sender of the money so that when you arrive London you will be the one to collect the money and pay me after you have viewed the flat and ok with it.
You are doing this just to be sure of your seriousness and capability before securing the room for you because I will not want a situation whereby the room will be reserve for you and you will not turn up when you arrive that's why I want you to do the transfer and you will need to email me the scanned copy of the transfer receipt for confirmation before securing the room for you.
I do not want you to have the feeling that I am asking for money BEFORE you see what you are renting because I know that payment is meant to be done AFTER you have seen the flat and okay with it that is why I said you should make the transfer to yourself so that you will be the one to receive the money and pay me in person after the viewing.
You don't need to worry about the transfer charges, I will personally refund it back to you,I'm doing this just to make sure everything is perfect before securing the room for you.
Let me know if you are ok with this arrangement so that we can proceed.
Kind regards,
Alicia.
fromGRTR
toAlicia May <oceanmiles@hotmail.co.uk>
dateFri, May 13, 2011 at 1:36 PM
subjectRe: Email me back to proceed
mailed-bygmail.com
Hi Alicia,
It is sooper to hear back from you. For a money wire would Western Union work for that sort of thing? I think there is one near the Medieval Times Dinner and Tournament I go to every week. Have you ever been to one of those places? They are great. My friend Steven and I go all the time. I give all the knights there free cable so they let me joust when I am there. Steven and I battled the other night and was running after him yelling, "Come back here, so that I may brain thee!" It was hillarious! He's my best buddy. In fact Steven is going to be in London in three days, perhaps he can meet you to see the apartment for me when he gets there.
I am very serious and capable of paying. I have been with the cable company for years and I love my work. The way I see it, The future is now! Soon every American home will integrate their television, phone and computer. You'll be able to visit the Louvre on one channel, or watch female wrestling on another. You can do your shopping at home, or play Mortal Kombat with a friend from Vietnam. There's no end to the possibilities! It's a great business to be in. So, how much do I need to wire to you to secure the room?
Regards,
Chip Douglas
fromAlicia May oceanmiles@hotmail.co.uk
to: GRTR
dateFri, May 13, 2011 at 1:44 PM
subjectRE: Email me back to proceed
mailed-byhotmail.co.uk
Hi Chip,
Thanks for the detailed info. You are to wire 1100£ as explained in my previous email. Since Steven is coming to London in 3 days, you can do the transfer to him via Western Union and he will be the one to receive it here when he arrive London at the nearest Western Union close to the flat and pay me to secure the room for you. You can go ahead and get it done to him and let me know when you have done that.
Alicia.
fromGRTR
toAlicia May <oceanmiles@hotmail.co.uk>
dateFri, May 13, 2011 at 3:41 PM
subjectRe: Email me back to proceed
mailed-bygmail.com
Thanks Alicia, I am working on this as we speak! You are going to love meeting Steve. He's a super guy! He is actually having some woman troubles with his girlfriend Robin, so he might seem a bit down in the dumps when you meet him. I told him, "Women are a labyrinth, my friend. Can I be frank? I don't think you listen to her. I think you tell her what she wants to hear. She wants you to thirst for knowledge about who she is, all the complicated splendor that is women. When your love is truly giving, it will come back to you ten fold." I think it put things into perspective for him; I know these things. I learned the facts of life by watching The Facts of Life.
In regard to the "£" is that in English currency or Irish currency? Also, I am having trouble locating a Western Union in London. I don't know where the closest one would be to Westminster. I've never been there before so I am uncertain where to look. Could you help me out with that if you know where a convenient one is? Maybe you could email me the address when you have a minute?
I am looking foward to flying to London soon. I have never been on a plane. It seems dangerous. You know, the problem with real life is there's no danger music. Every think about that? Anyway, work is calling for me again. Time to take a ride on the information superhighway. It is tough to get back to work sometimes. I just wanna hang out. NO BIG DEAL!
Regards,
Chip Douglas
Read more: http://www.reelmovienews.com/quotes/movies/the-cable-guy/#ixzz1MF7BI6xm
fromAlicia May oceanmiles@hotmail.co.uk
to: GRTR
dateFri, May 13, 2011 at 4:10 PM
subjectRE: Email me back to proceed
mailed-byhotmail.co.uk
Hi Chip,
Here are the agents close to the flat where you can pick the money when you arrive, we can go together if you don't mind.
1) VICTORIA NEWS
28 Strutton Ground
London, SW1P 2HR
2) SK SWEETS
2 Lupus Street
London, SW1V 3DY
3) PIMLICO SELF SERVICES
97 Tachbrook Street
London, SW1V 2QA
If I will be holding unto the room for you as agreed, you will need to get the transfer done either today or tomorrow.
fromAlicia May oceanmiles@hotmail.co.uk
to: GRTR
dateFri, May 13, 2011 at 4:22 PM
subjectRE: Email me back to proceed
mailed-byhotmail.co.uk
Hi Chip,
What I mean by £ is GBP.
Alicia.
fromGRTR
toAlicia May <oceanmiles@hotmail.co.uk>
dateFri, May 13, 2011 at 4:40 PM
subjectRe: Email me back to proceed
mailed-bygmail.com
Hi Alicia,
I am finishing up one more job and then I should be able to get to the bank in order to get the GBP before I go to the Western Union. I can't wait to move in and set up my entertainment center. I got you the big screen TV, deluxe karaoke machine, and THX quality sound that would make George Lucas cream in his pants! I threw a karaoke party the other day for my friend Steve to cheer him up and I was all like "You might recognize this song as performed by Jefferson Airplane, in a little rockumentary called "Gimme Shelter," about the Rolling Stones and their nightmare at Altamont. That night the Oakland chapter of the Hell's Angels had their way. Tonight, it's my turn." It rocked. Anyway I am going to wire to the place in Pimlico. It will take me a couple hours to get all that done with so, with the time difference, it should all go through by middle of the day tomorrow. I didn't have time to take an actual lunch break yet today. I just went to grab sandwiches quickly and said to Steven, "You better buckle up. I've had a lot to drink... just kidding." That's my humor! It's been a busy one, but everything should be ready and waiting by tomorrow.
See you later,
Caaaaaaaable guuuuuuy!
fromAlicia May oceanmiles@hotmail.co.uk
to: GRTR
dateFri, May 13, 2011 at 5:18 PM
subjectRE: Email me back to proceed
mailed-byhotmail.co.uk
Hi Chip,
You're to make the transfer in local currency ($) with the amount that will equal to 1100£ and the pay out will be GBP here. The
I will be expecting your email tomorrow then.
Alicia.
fromGRTR
toAlicia May <oceanmiles@hotmail.co.uk>
dateSat, May 14, 2011 at 12:23 PM
subjectRe: Email me back to proceed
mailed-bygmail.com
Hi Alicia,
I sent everything through as planned. I was just blow drying my hair, thought I heard the phone ring. Ah... has that ever happened to you? Anyway... call me, we'll talk about it.
Chip D
My real name is Larry Tate, but that's not what's important right now.
Oh Billy!
fromAlicia May oceanmiles@hotmail.co.uk
to: GRTR
dateSat, May 14, 2011 at 12:31 PM
subjectRE: Email me back to proceed
mailed-byhotmail.co.uk
Hi Chip,
I don't really understand what you mean by ''I sent everything through as planned'' . Have you done the Western Union transfer as agreed? If yes, you will need to email me the scan copy of the receipt for confirmation?
Cheers!
Alicia.
fromGRTR
toAlicia May <oceanmiles@hotmail.co.uk>
dateSat, May 14, 2011 at 12:39 PM
subjectRe: Email me back to proceed
mailed-bygmail.com
Oh, right, the receipt! I have that. Sorry, in my excitement I forgot!
But begore I send it, I have to know, Am I really your buddy? Maybe when I get over there we can watch Silence of the lambs!
I was up at the satellite the other day, for work, and thought "What a place for an ending, huh? It's like that movie 'Goldeneye'! "
My office scanner is not working now, some guy took the cable. In the mean time I can give you the information on it. Would that help?
Chip
fromAlicia May oceanmiles@hotmail.co.uk
toGRTR
dateSat, May 14, 2011 at 12:51 PM
subjectRE: Email me back to proceed
mailed-byhotmail.co.uk
Hi Chip,
Yes you are, you are a free person and I like that! I love watching films, swimming, painting, housekeeping, gift wrapping, film making, stationery, marketing, different cultures.
If your scanner is not available, you can email me the sender's name and the MTCN because that's what I will use to confirm the transfer online. https://wumt.westernunion.com/asp/orderStatus.asp?country=global
Alicia.
fromGRTR
toAlicia May <oceanmiles@hotmail.co.uk>
dateSat, May 14, 2011 at 1:38 PM
subjectRe: Email me back to proceed
mailed-bygmail.com
Hi Alicia,
That's Great! The Sender Name is Steven Kovacs
The Receiver's Name is Ernie Douglas
The MTCN: 01234 56789
It should appear shortly...Well, don't dig to deep or you might get burnt by the molten lava!
This concludes our broadcast day. Click.
Chip!
fromAlicia May oceanmiles@hotmail.co.uk
toGRTR
dateSat, May 14, 2011 at 1:58 PM
subjectRE: Email me back to proceed
mailed-byhotmail.co.uk
What is all these?
Alicia.
fromGRTR
toAlicia May <oceanmiles@hotmail.co.uk>
dateSat, May 14, 2011 at 2:32 PM
subjectRe: Email me back to proceed
mailed-bygmail.com
You asked for the mtcn number? So, what are you trying to say?
Chip
fromAlicia May oceanmiles@hotmail.co.uk
toGRTR
dateSat, May 14, 2011 at 2:36 PM
subjectRE: Email me back to proceed
mailed-byhotmail.co.uk
So is 01234 56789 the MTCN?
Alicia.
fromGRTR
toAlicia May <oceanmiles@hotmail.co.uk>
dateSat, May 14, 2011 at 2:59 PM
subjectRe: Email me back to proceed
mailed-bygmail.com
Yes, unless I made a mistake. Hold on, let me call Steven.
I left a message for him:
"Hey Steve I'm on a pay phone, so if you're there pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up, well OK, call me back. "
Hopefully he knows, and he will get back to me. If that jerk at the money office is scamming me...well, I'm gonna talk to the judge about a writ of Habeas Corpus. I'll put the SYSTEM on trial.
fromGRTR
toAlicia May <oceanmiles@hotmail.co.uk>
dateSat, May 14, 2011 at 3:09 PM
subjectRe: Email me back to proceed
mailed-bygmail.com
Hi Alicia,
Steven isn't sure. Has the number shown up yet?
fromGRTR
toAlicia May <oceanmiles@hotmail.co.uk>
dateSat, May 14, 2011 at 3:18 PM
subjectRe: Email me back to proceed
mailed-bygmail.com
Are you there? Pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up...okay.
fromGRTR
toAlicia May <oceanmiles@hotmail.co.uk>
dateSat, May 14, 2011 at 3:20 PM
subjectRe: Email me back to proceed
mailed-bygmail.com
It's me again! This is quite a game of phone tag we're having!
fromGRTR
toAlicia May <oceanmiles@hotmail.co.uk>
dateSat, May 14, 2011 at 3:23 PM
subjectRe: Email me back to proceed
mailed-bygmail.com
Hi Alicia, or whatever your name is,
I cannot listen to any of your instructions . For you are my sworn enemy . And are about to meet your demise
I forgive you, I only hope my neurologist will feel the same.
Regards,
Chip
The conversation below is my correspondence with a would-be fraudster about a room in Westminster that does not exist. Instead of just leading them on, this time I decided to lead them on while impersonating Jim Carrey's character from the movie The Cable Guy. I drop quotes from the movie relentlessly and at inappropriate times in the correspondence. If this seems childish to you, good. It is very childish. However, it was entertaining for me and took absolutely no effort to do so I did it. If I come across as a sociopath with multiple emotional issues please remember: that is the character Jim Carrey played in the movie. Also, please notice that I am sending this from my personal email address with my name (edited out for this publication) yet I claim to be someone entirely different and this goes unnoticed by our sophisticated criminal friend.
It is a bit long, but I hope you enjoy it. And, if you come across any money wiring scams yourself, please do me a favor and waste the time of the deadbeat proposing the wire transfer.
---------------
fromAlicia May oceanmiles@hotmail.co.uk
to
dateWed, May 11, 2011 at 4:04 PM
subjectMore details about the flat in Westminster
mailed-byhotmail.co.uk
Hi,
Thanks for your response to my ad.The flat is two bedroom flat but I currently have one room available and below is details of the flat.
Flat address: Erasmus Street ,Westminster,London
Post Code: SW1P 4HU
Rent: £500 per month,all bills included for a room
Security deposit:£600 refundable after four weeks in the flat.
Minimum Stay: 1 Month(s)
Maximum stay:1 yr with the option of extending the contract after 12 months
Flat amenities:TV ,CD - DVD - Video,Radio,High-speed Internet with WiFi,Washing Machine ,dryer, Heating, iron and Ironing board,Gas cooker,oven, Electric Kettle,Toaster,Dishwasher,Refrigerator, Microwave e.t.c
The pictures of the flat are hereby attached with this email.
Local area :The flat is super convenient, it is a 4 minute walk from Pimlico tube station (Victoria line), across the street there's a bus stop and it's close to the river too so perfect for people willing to jog or cycle. It is just across from the Tate Britain, the London College of Design and walking distance ( 15 minutes) to Victoria station, House of Parliament and therefore also Westminster tube station ( circle and district lines and jubilee).
The location is extremely quiet which is something unique for such a central location and the apartment is on the first floor of an imposing Edwardian mansion. Just across the flat there is also a communal garden which is perfect for unwinding and relaxing and off street parking is available!
Could you tell me a bit about yourself and where you are presently located now?
Will you be able to take good care of my flat like your own?
Are you capable of funding the rent and refundable deposit before moving in?
Looking forward to hearing from you soon.
Kind regards,
Alicia.
fromGRTR
toAlicia May <oceanmiles@hotmail.co.uk>
dateThu, May 12, 2011 at 10:08 AM
subjectRe: More details about the flat in Westminster
mailed-bygmail.com
Hi Alicia,
It is so nice to hear back from you. I am very eager to move in to your lovely place. I am flying into London next week so anytime after then we can schedule a meeting to view the place. I assure you I have the resources to pay for the flat and I am a clean and tidy person who hates living in a mess! I work for a cable televsion company and enjoy making new friends.
Please write back or give me ring on my beeper. I reverve the beeper for prefered customers because if you call my company they'll just put you on hold. (beeper= 987-555-4321)
Sincerely,
Chip Douglas
fromAlicia May oceanmiles@hotmail.co.uk
to: GRTR
dateFri, May 13, 2011 at 6:19 AM
subjectEmail me back to proceed
mailed-byhotmail.co.uk
Hi Chip,
Thanks for your email and interest in my flat. There's no problem having you view the flat on next week but I intend to hold viewing before then but if you are really interested in the flat I can easily hold unto the room for you till your arrival but before doing that I will need to be sure of your readiness and capability because I will not want a situation whereby I will secure the room for you and you will not turn up when you arrive.I have had several cases of people we had a deal for viewing and fail to turn up is either they cannot afford the rent or the security deposit required. Some outside tenants do not have the money to pay the rent and yet they disturb the landlord to arrange a viewing with their friend or relative who are in London.
This is what you will need to do in order to secure the room, you will need to make a transfer of a month rent plus security deposit (£500+£600=£1100) via Western Union Money Transfer using your name as the receiver of the money while you use the name of someone that's close to you as the sender of the money so that when you arrive London you will be the one to collect the money and pay me after you have viewed the flat and ok with it.
You are doing this just to be sure of your seriousness and capability before securing the room for you because I will not want a situation whereby the room will be reserve for you and you will not turn up when you arrive that's why I want you to do the transfer and you will need to email me the scanned copy of the transfer receipt for confirmation before securing the room for you.
I do not want you to have the feeling that I am asking for money BEFORE you see what you are renting because I know that payment is meant to be done AFTER you have seen the flat and okay with it that is why I said you should make the transfer to yourself so that you will be the one to receive the money and pay me in person after the viewing.
You don't need to worry about the transfer charges, I will personally refund it back to you,I'm doing this just to make sure everything is perfect before securing the room for you.
Let me know if you are ok with this arrangement so that we can proceed.
Kind regards,
Alicia.
fromGRTR
toAlicia May <oceanmiles@hotmail.co.uk>
dateFri, May 13, 2011 at 1:36 PM
subjectRe: Email me back to proceed
mailed-bygmail.com
Hi Alicia,
It is sooper to hear back from you. For a money wire would Western Union work for that sort of thing? I think there is one near the Medieval Times Dinner and Tournament I go to every week. Have you ever been to one of those places? They are great. My friend Steven and I go all the time. I give all the knights there free cable so they let me joust when I am there. Steven and I battled the other night and was running after him yelling, "Come back here, so that I may brain thee!" It was hillarious! He's my best buddy. In fact Steven is going to be in London in three days, perhaps he can meet you to see the apartment for me when he gets there.
I am very serious and capable of paying. I have been with the cable company for years and I love my work. The way I see it, The future is now! Soon every American home will integrate their television, phone and computer. You'll be able to visit the Louvre on one channel, or watch female wrestling on another. You can do your shopping at home, or play Mortal Kombat with a friend from Vietnam. There's no end to the possibilities! It's a great business to be in. So, how much do I need to wire to you to secure the room?
Regards,
Chip Douglas
fromAlicia May oceanmiles@hotmail.co.uk
to: GRTR
dateFri, May 13, 2011 at 1:44 PM
subjectRE: Email me back to proceed
mailed-byhotmail.co.uk
Hi Chip,
Thanks for the detailed info. You are to wire 1100£ as explained in my previous email. Since Steven is coming to London in 3 days, you can do the transfer to him via Western Union and he will be the one to receive it here when he arrive London at the nearest Western Union close to the flat and pay me to secure the room for you. You can go ahead and get it done to him and let me know when you have done that.
Alicia.
fromGRTR
toAlicia May <oceanmiles@hotmail.co.uk>
dateFri, May 13, 2011 at 3:41 PM
subjectRe: Email me back to proceed
mailed-bygmail.com
Thanks Alicia, I am working on this as we speak! You are going to love meeting Steve. He's a super guy! He is actually having some woman troubles with his girlfriend Robin, so he might seem a bit down in the dumps when you meet him. I told him, "Women are a labyrinth, my friend. Can I be frank? I don't think you listen to her. I think you tell her what she wants to hear. She wants you to thirst for knowledge about who she is, all the complicated splendor that is women. When your love is truly giving, it will come back to you ten fold." I think it put things into perspective for him; I know these things. I learned the facts of life by watching The Facts of Life.
In regard to the "£" is that in English currency or Irish currency? Also, I am having trouble locating a Western Union in London. I don't know where the closest one would be to Westminster. I've never been there before so I am uncertain where to look. Could you help me out with that if you know where a convenient one is? Maybe you could email me the address when you have a minute?
I am looking foward to flying to London soon. I have never been on a plane. It seems dangerous. You know, the problem with real life is there's no danger music. Every think about that? Anyway, work is calling for me again. Time to take a ride on the information superhighway. It is tough to get back to work sometimes. I just wanna hang out. NO BIG DEAL!
Regards,
Chip Douglas
Read more: http://www.reelmovienews.com/quotes/movies/the-cable-guy/#ixzz1MF7BI6xm
fromAlicia May oceanmiles@hotmail.co.uk
to: GRTR
dateFri, May 13, 2011 at 4:10 PM
subjectRE: Email me back to proceed
mailed-byhotmail.co.uk
Hi Chip,
Here are the agents close to the flat where you can pick the money when you arrive, we can go together if you don't mind.
1) VICTORIA NEWS
28 Strutton Ground
London, SW1P 2HR
2) SK SWEETS
2 Lupus Street
London, SW1V 3DY
3) PIMLICO SELF SERVICES
97 Tachbrook Street
London, SW1V 2QA
If I will be holding unto the room for you as agreed, you will need to get the transfer done either today or tomorrow.
fromAlicia May oceanmiles@hotmail.co.uk
to: GRTR
dateFri, May 13, 2011 at 4:22 PM
subjectRE: Email me back to proceed
mailed-byhotmail.co.uk
Hi Chip,
What I mean by £ is GBP.
Alicia.
fromGRTR
toAlicia May <oceanmiles@hotmail.co.uk>
dateFri, May 13, 2011 at 4:40 PM
subjectRe: Email me back to proceed
mailed-bygmail.com
Hi Alicia,
I am finishing up one more job and then I should be able to get to the bank in order to get the GBP before I go to the Western Union. I can't wait to move in and set up my entertainment center. I got you the big screen TV, deluxe karaoke machine, and THX quality sound that would make George Lucas cream in his pants! I threw a karaoke party the other day for my friend Steve to cheer him up and I was all like "You might recognize this song as performed by Jefferson Airplane, in a little rockumentary called "Gimme Shelter," about the Rolling Stones and their nightmare at Altamont. That night the Oakland chapter of the Hell's Angels had their way. Tonight, it's my turn." It rocked. Anyway I am going to wire to the place in Pimlico. It will take me a couple hours to get all that done with so, with the time difference, it should all go through by middle of the day tomorrow. I didn't have time to take an actual lunch break yet today. I just went to grab sandwiches quickly and said to Steven, "You better buckle up. I've had a lot to drink... just kidding." That's my humor! It's been a busy one, but everything should be ready and waiting by tomorrow.
See you later,
Caaaaaaaable guuuuuuy!
fromAlicia May oceanmiles@hotmail.co.uk
to: GRTR
dateFri, May 13, 2011 at 5:18 PM
subjectRE: Email me back to proceed
mailed-byhotmail.co.uk
Hi Chip,
You're to make the transfer in local currency ($) with the amount that will equal to 1100£ and the pay out will be GBP here. The
I will be expecting your email tomorrow then.
Alicia.
fromGRTR
toAlicia May <oceanmiles@hotmail.co.uk>
dateSat, May 14, 2011 at 12:23 PM
subjectRe: Email me back to proceed
mailed-bygmail.com
Hi Alicia,
I sent everything through as planned. I was just blow drying my hair, thought I heard the phone ring. Ah... has that ever happened to you? Anyway... call me, we'll talk about it.
Chip D
My real name is Larry Tate, but that's not what's important right now.
Oh Billy!
fromAlicia May oceanmiles@hotmail.co.uk
to: GRTR
dateSat, May 14, 2011 at 12:31 PM
subjectRE: Email me back to proceed
mailed-byhotmail.co.uk
Hi Chip,
I don't really understand what you mean by ''I sent everything through as planned'' . Have you done the Western Union transfer as agreed? If yes, you will need to email me the scan copy of the receipt for confirmation?
Cheers!
Alicia.
fromGRTR
toAlicia May <oceanmiles@hotmail.co.uk>
dateSat, May 14, 2011 at 12:39 PM
subjectRe: Email me back to proceed
mailed-bygmail.com
Oh, right, the receipt! I have that. Sorry, in my excitement I forgot!
But begore I send it, I have to know, Am I really your buddy? Maybe when I get over there we can watch Silence of the lambs!
I was up at the satellite the other day, for work, and thought "What a place for an ending, huh? It's like that movie 'Goldeneye'! "
My office scanner is not working now, some guy took the cable. In the mean time I can give you the information on it. Would that help?
Chip
fromAlicia May oceanmiles@hotmail.co.uk
toGRTR
dateSat, May 14, 2011 at 12:51 PM
subjectRE: Email me back to proceed
mailed-byhotmail.co.uk
Hi Chip,
Yes you are, you are a free person and I like that! I love watching films, swimming, painting, housekeeping, gift wrapping, film making, stationery, marketing, different cultures.
If your scanner is not available, you can email me the sender's name and the MTCN because that's what I will use to confirm the transfer online. https://wumt.westernunion.com/asp/orderStatus.asp?country=global
Alicia.
fromGRTR
toAlicia May <oceanmiles@hotmail.co.uk>
dateSat, May 14, 2011 at 1:38 PM
subjectRe: Email me back to proceed
mailed-bygmail.com
Hi Alicia,
That's Great! The Sender Name is Steven Kovacs
The Receiver's Name is Ernie Douglas
The MTCN: 01234 56789
It should appear shortly...Well, don't dig to deep or you might get burnt by the molten lava!
This concludes our broadcast day. Click.
Chip!
fromAlicia May oceanmiles@hotmail.co.uk
toGRTR
dateSat, May 14, 2011 at 1:58 PM
subjectRE: Email me back to proceed
mailed-byhotmail.co.uk
What is all these?
Alicia.
fromGRTR
toAlicia May <oceanmiles@hotmail.co.uk>
dateSat, May 14, 2011 at 2:32 PM
subjectRe: Email me back to proceed
mailed-bygmail.com
You asked for the mtcn number? So, what are you trying to say?
Chip
fromAlicia May oceanmiles@hotmail.co.uk
toGRTR
dateSat, May 14, 2011 at 2:36 PM
subjectRE: Email me back to proceed
mailed-byhotmail.co.uk
So is 01234 56789 the MTCN?
Alicia.
fromGRTR
toAlicia May <oceanmiles@hotmail.co.uk>
dateSat, May 14, 2011 at 2:59 PM
subjectRe: Email me back to proceed
mailed-bygmail.com
Yes, unless I made a mistake. Hold on, let me call Steven.
I left a message for him:
"Hey Steve I'm on a pay phone, so if you're there pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up, well OK, call me back. "
Hopefully he knows, and he will get back to me. If that jerk at the money office is scamming me...well, I'm gonna talk to the judge about a writ of Habeas Corpus. I'll put the SYSTEM on trial.
fromGRTR
toAlicia May <oceanmiles@hotmail.co.uk>
dateSat, May 14, 2011 at 3:09 PM
subjectRe: Email me back to proceed
mailed-bygmail.com
Hi Alicia,
Steven isn't sure. Has the number shown up yet?
fromGRTR
toAlicia May <oceanmiles@hotmail.co.uk>
dateSat, May 14, 2011 at 3:18 PM
subjectRe: Email me back to proceed
mailed-bygmail.com
Are you there? Pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up...okay.
fromGRTR
toAlicia May <oceanmiles@hotmail.co.uk>
dateSat, May 14, 2011 at 3:20 PM
subjectRe: Email me back to proceed
mailed-bygmail.com
It's me again! This is quite a game of phone tag we're having!
fromGRTR
toAlicia May <oceanmiles@hotmail.co.uk>
dateSat, May 14, 2011 at 3:23 PM
subjectRe: Email me back to proceed
mailed-bygmail.com
Hi Alicia, or whatever your name is,
I cannot listen to any of your instructions . For you are my sworn enemy . And are about to meet your demise
I forgive you, I only hope my neurologist will feel the same.
Regards,
Chip
Beer: Wells Bombardier
Wells Bombardier
ABV 4.7%
“Brewed in the heart of England
The Hurly Burly Show:
If I had gone to see this earlier in its West End run rather than catching their last performance (Thanks Louise! You kick ass) I would have bought a ticket to see it again and again, every week, until its run ended. I have been told it returns to The Garrick Theatre later in the year after Pygmalion finishes its run. I recommend it toanyone who is able to attend it later this year.
24 April 2011
A glimpse into the meaningful goals I set for myself...
One day, when I open a bar, it will be located on, On Street, number one, and it will be called Tie.
Tie
One On Street
It will close after one week. This will be when the authorities realize I have made no effort to obtain a proper liquor license and I realize I don’t want to clean up the accumulated vomit, which, by this point in my proprietorship is everywhere. My hangover will turn me into a pale, sickly looking, but vigilant anti-booze proselytizer for approximately 72 hours, at which point, I will open another bar across the street called One For The Road. At this bar patrons will not be able to buy a single drink, they will have to buy two at the same time. When I, or the acting bartender, serve them their requested two drinks, I or the bartender, will hand them one of their drinks and throw the other one at the road (there will be an open front to the bar, and I intend to throw the more expensive of the requested drinks). With the amount of broken glass that will accumulate in the road I can ensure a consistent stream of ‘I just stopped in because I got a flat tire’ customers.
Beer: Old Tom
This beer is (a) dark ale from Frederic Robinson Ltd (www.frederic- robinson.com) and although it features a cat on the label, I thought I would give it a try. This turned out to be a good decision because it is Delicious. Apparently, the brewers of Old Tom are very proud of their product and want you to know it was voted World’s Best Ale in 2009 at the World Beer Awards. For all I know the WBA could consist of a dozen Englishman sitting around on a patio and drunkenly distributing praise upon whatever beer was closest...I have yet to do any research, but I am ready to submit an application for a position on their prestigious board. I do not see this becoming a favorite of mine, but it is a decent beer. The back label describes the beer as having a “port wine finish,” and as I have never been a fan of port wine, perhaps this can account for me merely enjoying the beer without feeling the need to rearrange the hierarchy of beers in my top 5 (or 10) beer list(s). Perhaps my deep mistrust of cats keeps me from displaying over amorous praise for this product, but I don’t care. By naming the brew Old Tom the brewers were obliged to put a cat on the bottle (tom cat? just making sure we’re all on the same page). The only other option may have been a seedy looking caricature of a tramp, which probably would not have a broad commercial appeal. Buy it, don’t buy it, I don’t care, but, the fact that it has an ABV of 8.5% may sway your decision. It certainly helped me get past the cat on the label.
Cheers.
 |
| Old Tom Strong Ale: Strong enough to hold up my window. |
Propositions for Contemplative Minds: Episode One
Can a person enjoy grooving to both Slayer and The Glenn Miller Orchestra? Yes, apparently they can, because they both keep coming up on my shuffle and I haven’t skipped either of them for quite some time. Could this be evidence of the peace keeping and illuminating abilities of whiskey? Possibly.
Scientists: Please discuss among yourselves and report your findings*.
*Negative conclusions will receive a proportional lack of funding in relation to level of temperance and anti-whiskey rhetoric reported within such findings.
Dead Poets Part Two: (I hope) The Dead Are Disinclined To Sue
The Hand That Signed the Paper
The hand that signed the paper felled a city;
Five sovereign fingers taxed the breath,
Doubled the globe of dead and halved a country;
These five kings did a king to death.
The mighty hand leads to a sloping shoulder,
The finger joints are cramped with chalk;
A goose's quill has put an end to murder
That put an end to talk.
The hand that signed the treaty bred a fever,
And famine grew, and locusts came;
Great is the hand that holds dominion over
Man by a scribbled name.
The five kings count the dead but do not soften
The crusted wound nor pat the brow;
A hand rules pity as a hand rules heaven;
Hands have no tears to flow.
By Dylan Thomas
Dylan Thomas is another poet whose verse goes well with whiskey, as it may have been well whiskey that versed the well (at times, anyway). If you are keeping track, this makes two poets, with at least a couple left to go in my educational series tentatively titled, “It’s not plagiarism, it’s cultural history,” proudly sponsored by the hope that I do not get sued.
22 April 2011
Beer: Cumberland Ale
“Pure Lake District .” 4.7%ABV
Yes, this is a recommended one. Once you open the bottle the aroma will let you know that it is going to taste good. Still, I am a little annoyed by the way the brewery pushes this one. The back of the label reads:
Take a sip and savour the taste of this superbly refreshing golden ale, brewed using the finest ingredients. Renowned for its stunning scenery, the Lake District with its imposing fells and tranquil lakes offers a unique sense of space and freedom. Close your eyes and enjoy your ‘peace’ of the Lake District .
I give them points for using the word “fells.” Still, a good beer is a good beer without the heavy rural country time sales pitch. It is a tasty beer, I cannot, in good conscience, argue otherwise at this time (the time being approximately a few beers past the last). Perhaps the makers already know that their chemically precise concoction will appeal to those who would rather be living in a serene lakeside cottage or picturesque hillside village where all the trees haven’t yet been cut down to make way for concrete anti-landscapes. Since I write as someone who currently resides in a run down bed-sit in London Jennings Jennings
21 April 2011
The Joy of Apartment Hunting...
I have begun to look for a new place to live. I have been looking for flatshares as well as studios in or near the central London area and have been scanning ad postings for flats daily. Naturally, every now and then I respond to an ad on craigslist or gumtree and I am greeted with the same bullshit from unimaginative scam artists. Here is the lates episode for your reading pleasure:
From: Steven r Hepner <steven_hepner55@yahoo.com>
To: ME
In response to your inquiry with regards to your interest in my Studio.A stunning recently refurbished studio apartment, set on the lower ground floor of a period conversion. The property benefits from spacious studio room with large fitted wardrobes and double bed. Modern well equipped fitted kitchen with D/W. Modern fitted shower room with W/D.The property is located close to the shopping and transport facilities of Paddington.This modern studio is well decorated and is in a great location, within walking distance of Paddington Station and Bayswater station. The period mansion block it is located in also has a daytime porter for increased securityAll bills inclusive.Available fully furnished.The rent includes Central Heating, Gas, Electricity, Water Rates, WIFI and a fast broadband internet connection, Council Tax - there are NO BILLS to pay.Address:140 Edgware Road, Paddington, London W2 2QP.
The development is within easy reach of all local amenities such as shopping mall,parks,bars and restaurants.
Off street parking.
One bedroom flat is available for short or Long term contract.
Rent per month:£600
Refundable Deposit required:£600
From: ME
To: Steven r Hepner
The pictures look excellent and I like that it is located close to the park. When is the place available to move into? I am hoping to move into a new place at the beginning of June, but I am somewhat flexible regarding the move in date.
Please get back to me and perhaps we can schedule a time where I can visit the flat. I am usually free Fridays until mid-afternoon, Sundays, Mondays, and Tuesdays until mid-afternoon.
Thanks,
G
From: Steven r Hepner
To: ME
Hello ,
Thanks for getting back to me. I would love to meet you, get to know you and show you round the flat so that you can see what you are renting but I have had problems with time wasters who could not keep to there end of deal despite the fact that i have made the rent so low considering the economic climate in London.Its really time wasting because i am a very busy person and do not really have much time to waste. For now i need your suggestion,because i cant afford a waste of time.
Can you please answer the following questions?
-Are you really serious about the renting the flat?
-If you love the flat when you see it, will you make the payment to hold it against your move in?Kindly get back to me about an idea on what we can do so that we can arrange a meeting for viewing. Thanks while hoping to read from you.
Regards,
Steven
The apartment is available during the period you mentioned and can be reserved only if you are looking to rent it
Steven
From: ME
To: Steven r Hepner
My interest is serious, however, without visiting the flat I cannot say whether or not I will rent it. I am looking for a 6 month lease with the possibility of extending the lease after the 6 month period.
Please let me know how you would like to proceed.
Thank you,
G
From: Steven r Hepner
To: ME
I understand every bit of what you have said and i am 100% willing to let the apartment to you and also ready to book it for you only if you can assure me there wont be any disappointment.
I was discussing with my colleague about the idea on how i will be so sure that i will not be disappointed and to avoid time wasters.She advised that we can work out something via Western Union.
All i want to know is how sure you will pay me the money if intend to rent the room and just an evidence that you have the money because i need a surety that my tenant will pay me the rent and deposit.
She adviced that you can visit any Western Union outlet by sending the rent and deposit in your friend or partners name to your name as the receiver in London Via Western Union which you would cash immediately you arrive. The relevance of this transfer is to show that you have the agreed rent and deposit at your disposal to cash once you arrive which will give me the reliance that you are coming over.
The transfer charges would be refunded to you when we meet at the point of viewing whether you decide to take the property or not.It is what i can afford to loose for a trust.After viewing, if you are satisfied with the flat, then we would both go to the nearest WU outlet, you will collect the money out and pay me in cash in exchange for the keys to the property and all other documents signed.
NOTE- No monies would be sent to me, it would be made between you and any of your friend or partner to your own name in London as the receiver,i just need the transfer as a proof.
I was made to understand that you can send me the WU transaction proof for confirmation on WU website so as for me to be rest assured that you have the money to pay me available at WU.https://wumt.westernunion.com/asp/orderStatus.asp?country=global
Kindly let me know if you are willing to proceed so that i could reserve the flat for you.
Regards
Steven
From: ME
To: Steven r Hepner
I am not going to send you any money with out seeing the flat and agreeing to live there. You are full of shit and have wasted my time. I would love to meet you in person so I could pour gasoline over you, light you on fire, and then kick you into the Thames just before you burned to death. Die a horrible death, you scamming piece of shit dead beat scum fuck.
With sincerest hopes of your timely demise,
G
From: Steven r Hepner <steven_hepner55@yahoo.com>
To: ME
In response to your inquiry with regards to your interest in my Studio.A stunning recently refurbished studio apartment, set on the lower ground floor of a period conversion. The property benefits from spacious studio room with large fitted wardrobes and double bed. Modern well equipped fitted kitchen with D/W. Modern fitted shower room with W/D.The property is located close to the shopping and transport facilities of Paddington.This modern studio is well decorated and is in a great location, within walking distance of Paddington Station and Bayswater station. The period mansion block it is located in also has a daytime porter for increased securityAll bills inclusive.Available fully furnished.The rent includes Central Heating, Gas, Electricity, Water Rates, WIFI and a fast broadband internet connection, Council Tax - there are NO BILLS to pay.Address:140 Edgware Road, Paddington, London W2 2QP.
The development is within easy reach of all local amenities such as shopping mall,parks,bars and restaurants.
Off street parking.
One bedroom flat is available for short or Long term contract.
Rent per month:£600
Refundable Deposit required:£600
From: ME
To: Steven r Hepner
The pictures look excellent and I like that it is located close to the park. When is the place available to move into? I am hoping to move into a new place at the beginning of June, but I am somewhat flexible regarding the move in date.
Please get back to me and perhaps we can schedule a time where I can visit the flat. I am usually free Fridays until mid-afternoon, Sundays, Mondays, and Tuesdays until mid-afternoon.
Thanks,
G
From: Steven r Hepner
To: ME
Hello ,
Thanks for getting back to me. I would love to meet you, get to know you and show you round the flat so that you can see what you are renting but I have had problems with time wasters who could not keep to there end of deal despite the fact that i have made the rent so low considering the economic climate in London.Its really time wasting because i am a very busy person and do not really have much time to waste. For now i need your suggestion,because i cant afford a waste of time.
Can you please answer the following questions?
-Are you really serious about the renting the flat?
-If you love the flat when you see it, will you make the payment to hold it against your move in?Kindly get back to me about an idea on what we can do so that we can arrange a meeting for viewing. Thanks while hoping to read from you.
Regards,
Steven
The apartment is available during the period you mentioned and can be reserved only if you are looking to rent it
Steven
From: ME
To: Steven r Hepner
My interest is serious, however, without visiting the flat I cannot say whether or not I will rent it. I am looking for a 6 month lease with the possibility of extending the lease after the 6 month period.
Please let me know how you would like to proceed.
Thank you,
G
From: Steven r Hepner
To: ME
I understand every bit of what you have said and i am 100% willing to let the apartment to you and also ready to book it for you only if you can assure me there wont be any disappointment.
I was discussing with my colleague about the idea on how i will be so sure that i will not be disappointed and to avoid time wasters.She advised that we can work out something via Western Union.
All i want to know is how sure you will pay me the money if intend to rent the room and just an evidence that you have the money because i need a surety that my tenant will pay me the rent and deposit.
She adviced that you can visit any Western Union outlet by sending the rent and deposit in your friend or partners name to your name as the receiver in London Via Western Union which you would cash immediately you arrive. The relevance of this transfer is to show that you have the agreed rent and deposit at your disposal to cash once you arrive which will give me the reliance that you are coming over.
The transfer charges would be refunded to you when we meet at the point of viewing whether you decide to take the property or not.It is what i can afford to loose for a trust.After viewing, if you are satisfied with the flat, then we would both go to the nearest WU outlet, you will collect the money out and pay me in cash in exchange for the keys to the property and all other documents signed.
NOTE- No monies would be sent to me, it would be made between you and any of your friend or partner to your own name in London as the receiver,i just need the transfer as a proof.
I was made to understand that you can send me the WU transaction proof for confirmation on WU website so as for me to be rest assured that you have the money to pay me available at WU.https://wumt.westernunion.com/asp/orderStatus.asp?country=global
Kindly let me know if you are willing to proceed so that i could reserve the flat for you.
Regards
Steven
From: ME
To: Steven r Hepner
I am not going to send you any money with out seeing the flat and agreeing to live there. You are full of shit and have wasted my time. I would love to meet you in person so I could pour gasoline over you, light you on fire, and then kick you into the Thames just before you burned to death. Die a horrible death, you scamming piece of shit dead beat scum fuck.
With sincerest hopes of your timely demise,
G
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