A glimpse into the meaningful goals I set for myself...

One day, when I open a bar, it will be located on, On Street, number one, and it will be called Tie.

Tie

One On Street

It will close after one week.  This will be when the authorities realize I have made no effort to obtain a proper liquor license and I realize I don’t want to clean up the accumulated vomit, which, by this point in my proprietorship is everywhere.  My hangover will turn me into a pale, sickly looking, but vigilant anti-booze proselytizer for approximately 72 hours, at which point, I will open another bar across the street called One For The Road.  At this bar patrons will not be able to buy a single drink, they will have to buy two at the same time.  When I, or the acting bartender, serve them their requested two drinks, I or the bartender, will hand them one of their drinks and throw the other one at the road (there will be an open front to the bar, and I intend to throw the more expensive of the requested drinks).  With the amount of broken glass that will accumulate in the road I can ensure a consistent stream of ‘I just stopped in because I got a flat tire’ customers.

Please, remind me to open up a 24hour garage across the street.